42 replies to this topic

[dawgystyle23]

i have this issue...i was in a long relationship and kids were involved....i helped raise them but i still want to be in the "Kid's Lives"....but i cant be friends with my ex because her new bf which isnt the father doesnt want me around the kids even tho i make the kids happy. I'm not trying to be with my ex but it sucks because i lose out on wonderful kids because of the new dude so yeah it depends on what the relationship was like or where the ex went after if u can be friends with the ex. in most cases its just not a good look because bad blood can boil...especially in my case :(

[Eljefethejet]

it'll only work if you were friends before and you don't fuck her.

[Mizzqt37]

i have this issue...i was in a long relationship and kids were involved....i helped raise them but i still want to be in the "Kid's Lives"....but i cant be friends with my ex because her new bf which isnt the father doesnt want me around the kids even tho i make the kids happy. I'm not trying to be with my ex but it sucks because i lose out on wonderful kids because of the new dude so yeah it depends on what the relationship was like or where the ex went after if u can be friends with the ex. in most cases its just not a good look because bad blood can boil...especially in my case :(

I can see that and it's unfortunate alot of women can't put their selfish views or feelings aside for their children

[Mizzqt37]

@Eljefethejet but if you crossed the line and had an intimate relationship then it's hard to go back

[photoorchard]

Well I guess it depends on you. I mean if you want to keep that avenue open because you might want to go back down that road then it is probably okay. If you are trying to move on in a new relationship then keeping an ex close is going to make that difficult to do. Along with that you would have to consider the feelings of your new love interest. I mean really if you are really into some one do you want their ex hanging around constantly reminding them of what was and not allowing them to fully explore what is or could be.

[Finesse Cool]

Fuck nooooooo!!!!!!

 

 

Okay let me explain. I'm a black male speaking from our perspective no one else. As a man it does bruise our ego or challenge our manhood when we see our girlfriend, fiance or wife with a man (ex included) who claims he is just a friend. Why? Because we know that if he had an opportunity, and you said to him you want to sleep with him, he will without a doubt say yes!!!

 

 

I'm not fucking around. As a man with a functioning dick your friend  would agree to it!!!!!! I'm not talking about sometimes I'm talking about all the time. If you  a girl and you proposition a dude whether friend or not he will most likely say yes. Especially if he a male friend. That's just how it is! A N*gga always waiting in the cut for  the boyfriend or husband to screw up so he can make his move. men are fucked up and that's coming from me a man lol I know how we operate. For me it is unacceptable for my girl to have a male friend. i know it's a stretch and me and her have many arguments over this shit. but for us men we have a big ego we are alpha males. well some of us are alpha, some of us are fruity muthafuckas!!!!

 

 

But for us straight men we don;t want no men around our girl including her ex, that's just how it is we get jealous. But on the flipside us men want all sorts of girls around us, even our exes lol. yeh yeh we ignorant so want sue us lol. it's a double standard but who cares. it is not right to have us as boyfriends and have a male friend especially your ex. personally i won't allow that shit. So yeh it is not acceptable under any circumstance for my girl to have a male friend (ex included). Fuck outta here!!!

 

But it's cool to have my ex around cuz I aint fucking her....lol

 

 

Hey that's how men think just giving you game.

 

Peace!

 

 

This is probably the best narrative that could be offered to lend insight into how we really perceive the situation.

 

And personally, I've never really seen this interaction as sustainable unless the previous boyfriend turned out to be in the closet (gay) or dead.  The only way I'd let my girl see her ex-boyfriend is if she's visiting his grave.

 

True story.  If he can do anything for her I cannot, or that she doesn't willfully desire to allow me to do, she probably shouldn't be my girl to begin with,

 

Very Sincerely & Respectfully,

 

Finesse Cool

[blackdave]

@dawgystyle23  I'm sorry bro. i was with a female for a number of years and she had kids that weren't mine. i got attached. i love/loved those kids and her.  our relationship ended for other reasons. i still hung around and did for the kids. it got real messy. in the end and at the beginning; it was a package deal.  the woman and the kids come and go together. its not cool but its real. if they reach out i guess its cool to talk to them but in my experience leave them it alone even tho it hurts. its for the best.  

 

oh and she being mad selfish letting you still deal with the kids and she got a man. hope it works out bro stay strong

[Mizzqt37]

@Finesse Cool agreed! I don't see the point of standing around watering rocks in the backyard. Chances are while you walk through the front yard to get to the back you will stomp out the blooms. People easily forget why it didn't work out something about freeing themselves from the situation lends them to see things in the old relationship that may have never been. I he or she was such a good friend what went wrong why'd you end it? Now I can tell you my step mother is cool with her ex husband and so is my dad in fact when they come in town they stay at my dad's house. My dad would love to be cool with his exes lol but well in a more intimate kinda way! I don't know, in my family not uncommon to have exes and currents at same functions.

[disdick23]

hi new to hgf but i think its ok to keep exes around as friends as long as the feelings from the relationship is gone

[Mizzqt37]

@disdick23 what do you think about the argument that if it's desired to maintain the connection that one or bother have residual feelings?

[disdick23]

@disdick23 what do you think about the argument that if it's desired to maintain the connection that one or bother have residual feelings?

thats a good point but if they were friends before they were together its easy to just be frieds after

[sanger]

I don't think it's ever ok to keep your ex around. If the basis of two people hanging with each other is due to a relationship, once that relationship has ended then they no longer need to hang together.

 

Only reason in my mind that a person keeps an ex around is if feelings still linger. That becomes an issue if there is a low point in the current relationship, the ex has a huge leg up of slipping on right in there. Hence, there is no legit reason the ex should stay around.

[Jo3yKraCk]

Nope. It'll just interfere with the relationship you have now. When you're friends with your ex, feelings will pop up every so often and memories of times you had before. Out of respect to your partner that you have now, I think it's best you keep that ex in the past, assuming you love and care for the person you're with now.