42 replies to this topic

[Mizzqt37]

In what situation if any is it ok to have an ex as a good friend when you're in a relationship? If it is ok, what level of contact is acceptable?

[photoorchard]

Sup Mizzqt37... I have had the same issue.  An ex who was a really good friend and that I felt comfortable around but my new girlfriend ended up getting extremely jealous so I had to cut one of them lose. 

 

To answer your question;  I think you should run it by your new partner and see what kind of a response or reaction you get from them. 

 

Do you miss your ex in any way?

[egyptianprince]

Well, I don't know what to tell you because I never been in that situation/ never been in a relationship [ to be honest] and another thing, bare with me as my English isn't the best. Now one thing, if that ex cheated on you or treated you bad or something and you still keep that ex as a friend after the relationship is over .. that's not a good thing. Now if after the relationship is over but the ex and the person still has some feelings while in another relationship I guess the best thing is to let that person go If you wish to move on because the love feelings will remain if that ex stays around, I think that's how you say it ? "stays around " ? I don't know but well, in regard to physical contact? I think it's best to keep it on a platonic level not too touchy or anything like that, that shows interest.

 

In the end, the best thing is always to let go and move on, there's people out there waiting to meet you ! lol you get my point

[Ajsigma]

For me personally, it's never acceptable. For some people, it's ok. They can maintain a level of friendship and respect. As for me, I can't seem to pull it off. 

[thenxtmrmarcus]

nope id fuckem 

[photoorchard]

If you are still attracted to your ex then the best thing to do is to avoid your ex.

[KingofHomeGrown]

Fuck nooooooo!!!!!!

 

 

Okay let me explain. I'm a black male speaking from our perspective no one else. As a man it does bruise our ego or challenge our manhood when we see our girlfriend, fiance or wife with a man (ex included) who claims he is just a friend. Why? Because we know that if he had an opportunity, and you said to him you want to sleep with him, he will without a doubt say yes!!!

 

 

I'm not fucking around. As a man with a functioning dick your friend  would agree to it!!!!!! I'm not talking about sometimes I'm talking about all the time. If you  a girl and you proposition a dude whether friend or not he will most likely say yes. Especially if he a male friend. That's just how it is! A N*gga always waiting in the cut for  the boyfriend or husband to screw up so he can make his move. men are fucked up and that's coming from me a man lol I know how we operate. For me it is unacceptable for my girl to have a male friend. i know it's a stretch and me and her have many arguments over this shit. but for us men we have a big ego we are alpha males. well some of us are alpha, some of us are fruity muthafuckas!!!!

 

 

But for us straight men we don;t want no men around our girl including her ex, that's just how it is we get jealous. But on the flipside us men want all sorts of girls around us, even our exes lol. yeh yeh we ignorant so want sue us lol. it's a double standard but who cares. it is not right to have us as boyfriends and have a male friend especially your ex. personally i won't allow that shit. So yeh it is not acceptable under any circumstance for my girl to have a male friend (ex included). Fuck outta here!!!

 

But it's cool to have my ex around cuz I aint fucking her....lol

 

 

Hey that's how men think just giving you game.

 

Peace!

[egyptianprince]

good idea, it can jeopardise the current relationship if you were to keep your ex as a friend. Here in Egypt, if you're Muslim generally that ex would either become the person's husband or wife as here at least, it goes both ways. Our new current President, [as we have a prime minister and president] Sisi is trying to get rid of all of that and " secularise" this country like Turkey [ which is a good thing and yes I'm an Atheist] funny thing is, Atheism is slowly outnumbering people who follow Islam here but yeah.

[skillz2201]

Its not a good thing to do because sometimes old feelings can be lingering around and things might end up happening if ya chill

[egyptianprince]

In the end though what you feel in your heart and mind, whatever answer you choose is your "right answer" so choose an outcome and deal with whatever consequences happens! If that makes sense

[Mizzqt37]

@photo no not at all just a question is all it's a question that I've been asked in some instances I can give an opinion in others no. I think if the ex respects the new relationship it might be ok in limited amounts but it shouldn't feel like you and the ex are dating as well

[shafheavy]

Fuck nooooooo!!!!!!

 

 

Okay let me explain. I'm a black male speaking from our perspective no one else. As a man it does bruise our ego or challenge our manhood when we see our girlfriend, fiance or wife with a man (ex included) who claims he is just a friend. Why? Because we know that if he had an opportunity, and you said to him you want to sleep with him, he will without a doubt say yes!!!

 

 

I'm not fucking around. As a man with a functioning dick your friend  would agree to it!!!!!! I'm not talking about sometimes I'm talking about all the time. If you  a girl and you proposition a dude whether friend or not he will most likely say yes. Especially if he a male friend. That's just how it is! A N*gga always waiting in the cut for  the boyfriend or husband to screw up so he can make his move. men are fucked up and that's coming from me a man lol I know how we operate. For me it is unacceptable for my girl to have a male friend. i know it's a stretch and me and her have many arguments over this shit. but for us men we have a big ego we are alpha males. well some of us are alpha, some of us are fruity muthafuckas!!!!

 

 

But for us straight men we don;t want no men around our girl including her ex, that's just how it is we get jealous. But on the flipside us men want all sorts of girls around us, even our exes lol. yeh yeh we ignorant so want sue us lol. it's a double standard but who cares. it is not right to have us as boyfriends and have a male friend especially your ex. personally i won't allow that shit. So yeh it is not acceptable under any circumstance for my girl to have a male friend (ex included). Fuck outta here!!!

 

But it's cool to have my ex around cuz I aint fucking her....lol

 

 

Hey that's how men think just giving you game.

 

Peace!

 

So eloquently put.   Amen bruva.

In other words..... what he said!!

[Mizzqt37]

@egyptian thanks for your input

[Mizzqt37]

@ skillz I see that happening to I guess the question is what's both parties hopes to gain and feelings about ending the relationship.

[Mizzqt37]

@king is that your official opinion? Lol no really me I don't water rocks whatever is in the backyard stays there. So if a man doesn't express these feelings it could still be assumed that exes are no fly?

[Mizzqt37]

Thanks gentlemen for leaving the shout box to chime in!!

[egyptianprince]

@mizz, you're welcome and one more thing, you should try and begin to read the poems of Rumi. He's a good poet and has plenty of love related poetry. I think everybody should at least one day read his poetry!

[Mizzqt37]

Rumi is good haven't read much but like what I've heard

[egyptianprince]

@mizz oh wow that's really cool as well Lol.

[Mizzqt37]

Yeah like I said I haven't read too much

[KingofHomeGrown]

good idea, it can jeopardise the current relationship if you were to keep your ex as a friend. Here in Egypt, if you're Muslim generally that ex would either become the person's husband or wife as here at least, it goes both ways. Our new current President, [as we have a prime minister and president] Sisi is trying to get rid of all of that and " secularise" this country like Turkey [ which is a good thing and yes I'm an Atheist] funny thing is, Atheism is slowly outnumbering people who follow Islam here but yeah.

 

Oh Okay I respect your culture.

 

It would jeopardize your current relationship. In North America from what I know we don't like our exes being friends with our partners. It gets us upset. Who ever says that it doesn't is lying. We are insecure like that. lol

 

As for you being Atheist...I respect it. Everyone has a right to believe in what they want to. but Atheists out numbering the Muslims?? For real? I don't know. I went to Howard university. i studied Ecommerce, World Religion and African American Studies. From what i learned the majority of Egyptians are indeed Muslims (Specifically Sunni Muslims) am I correct ? Then next is Christianity and Judaism. Atheist and Agnostics account for less that 2 percent of Egyptians. Egyptians are and always have  been religious or spirituals people. Going back to the Nubian Empire. Even beyond that.

[KingofHomeGrown]

@king is that your official opinion? Lol no really me I don't water rocks whatever is in the backyard stays there. So if a man doesn't express these feelings it could still be assumed that exes are no fly?

 

 

Well it is tricky. As North American men, If we had a chance to get back with our exes we will. because when they're gone we finally realize that we've lost a good thing!! This is the absolute truth my friend. And if we still have our ex's in our lives we do not want another man to be with them. We are very selfish and want to have our cake and eat it to lol.

 

If we are in a current relationship and have an ex, and she said she wanted to sleep with us, more times than not we would say yes. it is sad but true. just being honest. if we had a girl still friends with an ex, we would be cautious of him because he is trying ad willing to do the same thing, and that is wait in the dark until the opportunity presents itself to sleep with out girlfriend, which is his ex. I will not allow that Sh*t lol. Nah I don't want it. My girl can not be associated with her ex because of it. Or no dude for that matter. it's harsh and u may say I'm insecure, but i know the truth. I know what goes on fam.

 

Am I the only one being honest on this site??? lol

[KingofHomeGrown]

nope id fuckem 

 

And that's what most people would do. Fuck their exes. it's exactly what I said because it is the truth in most cases

[blackmanwheels]

Tried it, ended up fucking her (I'm engaged...). Something I have to live with for the rest of my life, all I do is think how bad it would be if my fiancé found out, i'd lose my child and everything. I did it over a year ago and still everyday I hate myself for doing it. It was all apart of her plan so she's satisfied. She said "it makes me feel like I still have 1 up on her" (my current wife) I stopped my car and told her to get the fuck out and walk. I guess I have no right to be mad, i'm not better than her I guess... I just hate that I did what I did.

 

Take it from me. Don't FORCE it but depending on the situation it can be okay. I'm cool with my 2 other exes but thing is the other 2 (before the one I kicked out of my car) are both happily married/in a relationship. The one I fucked was not soooo... Ya.

[terryp]

no

[Mizzqt37]

@blackman so the friendship has since ended?

[Mizzqt37]

@ home I appreciate your honesty and I agree unequivocally with you, I think most woman can keep plutonic friendships that way as long as emotional needs are met. As you pointed out a straight man will be waiting for a kink in the armor to get back in her pants. And if the need to continue on a relationship with any one from the past exists especially when there are no children involved there are most definately residual feelings.

[egyptianprince]

@king

 

 

Mostly these days you see less and less religious people and more, at least secular people but right.

[blackdave]

in my life it has never worked and i have tried. the ex aka friend usually tries to mess up your current situation in some fashion. in my case the ex would try to fuck me and put me on blast. if you don't care about your new girl or your ol girl. it don't matter. if you are trying to really make your situation work cut all ties. 

[Mizzqt37]

@blackdave thanks for your response, that is my thought. I ask myself in any relationship does this offer more positive or negative to my life and go from there.